Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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