I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i love accidental penises.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
