i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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