Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
