Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Randomize
