i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
