I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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