i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize