i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
