You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
