i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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