the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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