we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
