I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
