i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
