I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
