No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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