why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
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She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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