So drunk its hurt
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
