Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
