my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
