is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
