my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
