Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
please don't ironically join a cult
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