I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
