Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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