apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
