i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
well you can't waste a boner
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
