does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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