Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
