I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
