You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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