I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
