Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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