Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
