How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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