I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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