We left an ass print on the piano.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
