Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
