Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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