im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
