If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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