Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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