You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
