the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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