Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
