No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
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