ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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