I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
