Taylor Swift is so right about you.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
