I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
