Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
