I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
