And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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