woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Randomize
