I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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