I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
