I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
