im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
