I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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