I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
