Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
