tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
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You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
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Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
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