Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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